Trying to Conceive #2 & Getting Impatient

As I wrote previously I have had difficulty in the past becoming pregnant but now that I have had a successful pregnancy and then miscarriage I have been impatiently waiting for it to happen again.

It was a long road to having our daughter, 8 years and a little time spent seeing a specialist who diagnosed me with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) because of irregular periods. We were at the point where we had given up hope when we became pregnant with my daughter. Now two years later and one miscarriage in between I am having a hard time dealing with waiting.

I have been tracking my cycle and doing most of the other options of checking for my fertile window minus the temperature taking and spending a fortune on ovulation prediction kits. Every month I am late I am anxiously awaiting a positive test only to get a negative. The financial cost of tests have me reverting to dollar store tests which I hear they swear are legitimate, I would have to concur at this point they are.

I am getting older, 38 in January and hubby is going to be 40... I just want it to happen already. I feel like I was given a glimpse in to the beauty of pregnancy and now it is being held away from me. I felt like with all the issues during my first pregnancy kept me from really enjoying it and now I know what to expect it is all I want.

I recently went for my physical and the doctor when doing the pap told me my cervix appeared a little blue which could mean early pregnancy. He also thought I may have a bladder infection so he sent me for a blood pregnancy test and I am still patiently (not) waiting to hear back from him, it will be a week tomorrow. I did a pee test but it came out negative, I am also a week out from my period and I didn't use my first morning pee, so maybe it was wrong? Fingers crossed.

** So I started this blog post and apparently I never published :( Anyways an update...I am not pregnant which I am sad about but I figured and my sugars are high. Now I am working on losing weight and getting my sugars under control, I will then go back to the doctor in 6 months and discuss my progress and get my sugar retested. I am monitoring as well and I am to see him if I see a consistently high reading.

PCOS

I just realized that I forgot to mention that in the beginning of my relationship with SO we had always talked about having children, he has two but that is complicated and not my business to talk about, but he wanted more.

On our one year anniversary he through my birth control in the garbage and I was so happy. It was what I always wanted yet for the next year it seemed to elude us. That summer I had a few months where I hadn't had my period in 3 months so off I went to the doctors. I was referred to a OB/GYN who gave me medication to start my period and hopefully that would kick me back on to being regular. Well it helped but I wouldn't call me regular, I had to take the medication another time too. I knew I had to have been trying for a year before I would worry. Then came my one year anniversary of trying and still nothing and my period was still erratic. The OB/GYN referred me to a specialist who diagnosed me with having Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I went for monthly blood work and ultrasounds, I was on medication to correct my blood sugars so that my insulin wouldn't affect my hormones and help me ovulate.

Six months later we had some personal issues that made us chose to up and move our lives back to our home town. Stressful times and I decided to stop the medication cause at this point having a baby wasn't something we could deal with at the time. My cycle returned to normal while we were back in our hometown where we stayed for the next 3 years but nothing ever happened pregnancy wise but we decided if it were meant to happen it would. We joked that my cycle returned to normal because there are hormones in the water, as our town has a high teenage pregnancy rate.

In 2009 we moved back to the city with my Mom, it was meant to be temporary but it just seemed to work and we stayed there until 2012 a month before the birth of my daughter, but let me get back to 9 months prior to her birth...

Pre-Pregnancy

I used to be a big drinker but had basically quit drinking for about two years other then maybe one or two a year. I had a major blow out with my brother's ex girlfriend and started having a few drinks and had a good time, so I thought I have no major responsibilities I can have a few drinks here and there... Well that didn't last long. Decided to go on a shopping trip with my Mom to the States one weekend in late October thought as I was trying on jeans that they were a little tight cause I was PMS'ing even said that to a sales girl, lol. When we got back was trying on new clothes and showing SO and thought to myself, I wasn't quite sure when I was due to have my period and perhaps I was late...as we were getting ready for bed I mentioned to SO maybe we'd grab a test the next day.

We got up the next day and went about the day as normal and near dinner time we were at Walmart and so i grabbed a test. As SO was bbq'íng I went in and did a test...it was positive, called SO and his reaction was priceless he looked at the test and was like "what does that mean?"

And so began our parenting journey...so much for PCOS, all signs say different and doctors I have seen have kind of did a "pfffff" when I mentioned that diagnosis.