Fast Forward...

Well the first couple of months went by pretty fast mostly a blur but not for lack of sleep. It was mostly just he whirlwind of euphoria...I spent most of my days in disbelief that this beautiful baby was mine I had created her, she had grown inside my body.

15 months later here I am a Stay at Home Mom who is still Breastfeeding and trying to figure my way through Motherhood. My house is constantly messy and I still wonder where the day went and how can I run after DD and pick up the same things over and over again but never seem to accomplish much.

A lot of times I feel down and tired, I don't feel much like a woman. I wear comfy clothes (or pj's ) all the time as I seem to have gained more weight after having DD then I did when I was pregnant with her. To be honest I ate/eat junk food like crazy...as soon as she was out and I could have sugars again I went crazy. People asked if they could bring me anything when visiting those 2 days in the hospital and I said "Timbits" lol. Probably not such a good idea :) I have lost a bit since the winter, but with winter coming back I need to watch myself.

Baby #2?

We have also discussed having another if it happens and have decided we would be more then happy but we recently went through a scary miscarriage, well scary for us who have never had one before. I had found out I was pregnant on a Thursday and had miscarried as of the Sunday, was sent home as I had chosen to let thing continue to progress naturally. I was breastfeeding so I didn't want to take medication and the other option, a D&C was not something I wanted to do knowing I had a baby to look after at home. SO works outside and therefore needs to get all the work he can during the good weather and without me working it's not like we could afford it.

Wednesday evening SO had taken DD out for a walk before dinner and I had some cramps that were pretty painful, when I went into the bathroom and when SO came back I still there and was bleeding continually so we packed up and went up to the hospital. By time I had been checked in I had bleed through my clothes...I was admitted and sent to a room where I was given adult diapers which I was changing every half hour and that was only because that was the point I couldn't stand it anymore. They monitored for a bit and I was given medication to essentially induce a labour so I could pass the remainder of the pregnancy. It wasn't too bad for me and after a few more hours I was allowed to go home. Over the next two and half weeks I continued to bleed/spot. I am thankful that it is finally over and now we can try again.

Just Starting out...

So I won a prize yesterday from @Pampers and @WalmartCanada #PampersStork and I realized that there are a lot of Mom's out there Blogging. I thought to myself, "why not me?" I am going through many changes in my life, becoming a Mom and becoming a stay at home Mom within the last 15 months maybe someone can relate to me and well really it gives me a place to speak my mind and vent, cause honestly at times being a Mom is not easy.

From the 'Almost' Beginning...

When I became pregnant we were living with my Mom and had never thought a baby would be a part of our lives, we had been together for 8 years and even at one point had seen a fertility doctor and never ever got pregnant. My pregnancy felt like a whirlwind, so much going on, we decided to move back to our hometown, I had Gestational Diabetes and heart and lung issues. I had appointments constantly it seemed and near the end they multiplied. I had numerous readings of low fluid and was back and forth to the hospital twice a day for the last three weeks of my pregnancy. Finally after my third low reading my doctor insisted that I be induced which was fine with me, that was on Monday. Left the hospital and drove the 45 minutes home and was to go back down 4 hours later or if there were any major changes. At 8 pm headed back to the hospital to only be told that although I was contracting every 3 minutes I had only dilated 2 cm and to come back the next day at 10 am or if there were any changes. I was very nervous about going back and forth and the bumps in the road were very painful, the very rude doctor told me i could wait it out in the lobby if I wanted. Me and SO (my significant other) discussed and decided to go home. After barely sleeping that night I called my doctor the next morning and tell him what happened, he called me right back and told me to head down he was going to admit me and we would wait it out there. So back to the hospital we went to get checked in and to get re-induced. Tuesday contracted all day again and slept very little, by Wednesday morning I was exhausted and done with the inducing. At noon when I was being checked again and was still only at 2 cm I requested a c-section. My doctor who was in the hospital came by and checked on me and wanted me to wait it out but understood and was okay with my going forward with the surgery.

At 7 pm I was prepped and by 8 pm I had been given my freezing and meds and was on the table. It was a weird sensation not feeling my legs but it cool too. Finally my SO was brought in and he looked nervous and worried I was smiling like an idiot feeling euphoric and excited to meet our little girl. At 9:06 she was out, they showed me her over the screen and I just remember feeling a rush of love and happiness. She was cleaned, checked and wrapped and left with my SO while they finished sewing me up. I was wheeled out to finally have a meeting with my baby.

She was beautiful! I knew right then I would rather die then be without her. When I was taken to a room I began feeling an extreme itchy feeling and could not stop scratching my face and so they gave me Benedryl which made me feel out of it and I guess I was cause my SO stayed the night with me and basically looked after the baby while I itched and got frustrated trying to breastfeed. I thought breastfeeding would be natural and easy, it wasn't and definitely not easy when I couldn't focus on holding the baby for the intense itching. The baby was cup feed while I slept off the meds and my SO slept on a cot at the end of my bed when he was taking care of the baby.
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