Overprotective?

Why is it when I don't want to take DD to family members houses or let them babysit (while I go no where) they call me overprotective?  I have no need to leave her with people as this is the reason I chose to be a stay at home mom while I can. She is also only 18 months! Not exactly sleepover age.

 I find it easier to have people over to my place where I know what she is into and I have child locks on everything. She is also at a stage where she is shy around everyone and doesn't want to go to people she rarely sees but I am "spoiling her" or she is being miserable. Let's not forget that I am still breastfeeding and that "should be stopped for everyone sake" even though it is recommended to 2 years and is very good for her health-wise and is only non sociable because people are uneducated.

Some of my family stop visiting because they just forget to stop by, apparently, but if you want to be a part of your granddaughters life why wouldn't you make the effort whether or not it means you have to go out of your way? I am the bad person for not taking her places too when we only have one vehicle and and it's not here most of the time. I can call and ask for rides but then I need the carseat which is in our one vehicle and I don't like to be a bother and when I want to go home I have to wait until whomever is ready.

I feel like it is a constant battle as to what we did when we were being raised and what people did with their kids and well "nothing bad happened to them". Also just cause you won't smoke when she is there the fact that you do smoke in your house means there is nicotine and other toxins on the stuff in your house. I know this as I was a smoker before too, and I don't want my daughter around it, she deserves better then what we had as kids.

I can't wait for the holidays to be over...

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Am I a bad Mom?

So recently I noticed some issues with my daughters teeth. First it was a small spot that looked like a cavity right on the very front of her top tooth, then I noticed that her lateral incisors looked like they were actually broken. Then yesterday I noticed that it looked like she has some decay behind those teeth. I called the dentist and went today. Of course it didn't go well because she definitely didn't want strangers touching her let alone touching her mouth which was half my battle and why I didn't notice. Now I have a referral to have her sedated while they do her teeth and I am freaked out about it....I don't want her put out but I don't want this to become a problem for her.

Now as to why I feel like I am a bad mom...I don't like the cry it out practice, I can't do it. I tried but it wasn't for me, I don't like making her feel like she is being abandon therefore she sleeps at the breast and then nearby or at night with us in bed. She is always falling asleep at the breast, very rare does she sleep on her own, she can and has but the routine is for her have her mmm-ba (her name for the breast) before bed and when she is ready for her nap she takes my hand and tells me she wants the breast. The dentist recommends washing her teeth after she is done at the breast but how do I do this to a sleeping baby without having to start the whole process over again? I guess I am destine to figure this out as I have to do whatever I can to keep a handle on her teeth.

I feel as though by making things easy for her and less of a battle for myself I have created these problems with her teeth, I feel horrible. I don't want her to have these issues and I will have to get them dealt with but I am afraid of putting her out (sedating her) while she is so young. I know first hand how your smile can affect your self esteem as I too had issues with my own teeth and then at 25 got them straighten, although they have shifted slightly they are way better then they were. I don't want her to have this issues.

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The things I wish someone would have told me...

So here goes my list of things I wish I knew about having a baby...

1. your hair falls out...lots of it, some people experience bald spots. I didn't but have heard it happens. So be prepared to constantly have frizzy hair.

2. your breasts will hurt bleed chap, cracked and no longer feel as youthful and be thought of as sexy, they are food, they are your babies.

3. time will fly by and you will wonder what you did all day and how you couldn't manage to even start a load of laundry, let alone complete it.

4. you don't need a ton of clothing...in the summer your baby will probably wear next to nothing and in the winter sleepers are good enough.

5. you will have no time to yourself,  even the simplest of tasks will involve your baby and you will plan everything around him/her.

6. your day is miserable if your baby doesn't want to nap and you will realize why you had a bed time as a child...for your parents mental health and you now know why they got so mad when you wouldn't go to sleep.

There are tons of things I could go on about..but these are just some of the first things I noticed.
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Fast Forward...

Well the first couple of months went by pretty fast mostly a blur but not for lack of sleep. It was mostly just he whirlwind of euphoria...I spent most of my days in disbelief that this beautiful baby was mine I had created her, she had grown inside my body.

15 months later here I am a Stay at Home Mom who is still Breastfeeding and trying to figure my way through Motherhood. My house is constantly messy and I still wonder where the day went and how can I run after DD and pick up the same things over and over again but never seem to accomplish much.

A lot of times I feel down and tired, I don't feel much like a woman. I wear comfy clothes (or pj's ) all the time as I seem to have gained more weight after having DD then I did when I was pregnant with her. To be honest I ate/eat junk food like crazy...as soon as she was out and I could have sugars again I went crazy. People asked if they could bring me anything when visiting those 2 days in the hospital and I said "Timbits" lol. Probably not such a good idea :) I have lost a bit since the winter, but with winter coming back I need to watch myself.

Baby #2?

We have also discussed having another if it happens and have decided we would be more then happy but we recently went through a scary miscarriage, well scary for us who have never had one before. I had found out I was pregnant on a Thursday and had miscarried as of the Sunday, was sent home as I had chosen to let thing continue to progress naturally. I was breastfeeding so I didn't want to take medication and the other option, a D&C was not something I wanted to do knowing I had a baby to look after at home. SO works outside and therefore needs to get all the work he can during the good weather and without me working it's not like we could afford it.

Wednesday evening SO had taken DD out for a walk before dinner and I had some cramps that were pretty painful, when I went into the bathroom and when SO came back I still there and was bleeding continually so we packed up and went up to the hospital. By time I had been checked in I had bleed through my clothes...I was admitted and sent to a room where I was given adult diapers which I was changing every half hour and that was only because that was the point I couldn't stand it anymore. They monitored for a bit and I was given medication to essentially induce a labour so I could pass the remainder of the pregnancy. It wasn't too bad for me and after a few more hours I was allowed to go home. Over the next two and half weeks I continued to bleed/spot. I am thankful that it is finally over and now we can try again.

New Baby New Life...and a change of plans

Big Plans...little thought

So before I had DD I had big plans on going back to work, having family babysit her and just going on with my life. I didn't know that I would be so in love with this little person that I wouldn't want her out of my sight. The whole idea of going to my Dad's and hanging out in the summer was squashed, he has big aggressive dogs and I wouldn't be comfortable with her there as SO was already bit by one while I was pregnant. Even my own cats fell victim to the protectiveness I felt over this little tiny girl, they were pushed away and untrustworthy all of a sudden.

My other plans of having DD and heading home within 24 hrs was dashed too by my choice to have the c-section which left us in a bit of a financial pickle. I had already applied for my maternity benefits but had yet to receive them and with the cost of the move and travelling back and forth to appointments had left us broke. Parking was almost $20 a day and then food for SO was not cheap at the hospital and leaving and repaying parking was out of the question. Stress, stress, stress...I also opted to leave the hospital a day earlier then they recommended as well, still struggling with breastfeeding.

Heading Home

So heading home was a bit of a challenge as we only have a pickup truck and we had so much stuff from our days of waiting and then not being entirely sure how to fit in the car seat we called my dad. So my Dad and Stepmother came and picked us up the drive home wasn't too bad other then the two of them arguing about the traffic (it was a long weekend and Friday night) and the seat belt pressing on my incision. Oh and did I mention it was during a heatwave and my Dad thought it was unhealthy for DD to breathe recycled air?

It was so nice to be home, as soon as my parents left  felt like I could finally breathe. My SO was a little concerned that we came early especially with me just having surgery and the new baby. He had previous had children in another relationship but they were natural births and he was much younger. DD was his second chance and he wasn't prepared to take any chances with her safety or mine so we had some tension that very first night, which we both got over quickly.

We seemed to get into a routine pretty easily over the next couple of weeks and I think my major saving grace was having my SO home with me for the first 2 months. He cooked, he cleaned and he supported me even though we had to deal with combining our parenting styles which led to a few disagreements but nothing we couldn't overcome.

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