Summer's Over :(

What a sad thought, although Summer is not technically over for a couple of more weeks the whole Back to School sure makes us realize the end is near.

So all my ideas of all we would do this summer with the new car has yet to happen...Although we do have plans for the fall, just watching for a super good deal on a hotel...Skyline Inn is where we want to stay but we missed out on a super deal so Hubby wants to wait and see if we can get something that good. I keep watching day after day, hoping it will drop soon.

We did manage to do a few things, we had our Cousin BBQ with my cousins on my mom's side and it was awesome as always, we all get along really well and I can't wait until next year. I manage to get out and visit a few friends but still have plenty more to see.

I also found out that I need to have surgery on my arm... Not sure if I mentioned pinching a nerve in my elbow but I did it a while back, like in March, and it has never corrected itself or gotten any better. I knew that I only had two options so I was hoping it would just work itself out which is the only other option besides the surgery that I can find in my research. Well I went and saw a specialist and it appears I have nerve damage now and am showing signs of muscle weakness in my hand, so because it is not improving it is my only option now. I haven't got a date yet and I am a little anxious to get it over with, but also a little concerned cause I am not sure how well I am going to do with a very busy toddler and a gimped up arm.

In other big news...I went out to my dad's and it was alright...we been out a few times now and it has been good, get the odd comment and the dogs have kept mostly at bay. One dog at a time has worked and zero contact with the Rottweiler that bit Hubby and all has been good. She loves my dad and excited to go see him and I love the bond they are forming but...He is really pushing for her to be closer to my step-mom and for her to spend some one on one time with her. I wish I could just say "ya sure" but I am not comfortable with that yet...  for many reasons.

I have always been known as the forgiving one and the one who lets things go, but now I find somethings from the past are resurfacing and I am just unable to let them go. Growing wasn't easy, we didn't have much money and circumstances weren't easy when we left living with our mom abruptly and started living with my dad, his girlfriend and not even a year old half brother. I know sometimes I wasn't easy to live with either but I don't think I deserve the treatment I received.  My step-mom and I fought, a lot, I always felt like I ruined her whole plan of happiness and that she never wanted us (me and my older brother) around. From the sneaking treats to my little brother and nothing to us, to the comments that my mother should have aborted me, how could I not? I left home when I was 17 and lived with my friend until college where I went back to live with my mom and forge an awesome relationship.

Now the problem is as a mother I could never imagine treating someone who came to me with obvious issues the way she treated me. Hubby has two kids from a previous relationship and I could never imagine treating them like they are in the way or a burden.

How do I get over this? Can I?

Home Again...

Stay-at-Home Mom Part II

Well my turn at going back to work was short lived...hubby went back to work and is commuting almost an hour away and with his hours and my hours daycare just wasn't an option.

I am so happy to be at home again but now it is a matter of finding some income while working at home. Everyone always suggests taking in people's kids but I am just not in a space where that would be good for them (no fenced yard, busy street) that and I have a hard enough time keeping my own daughter busy.

So what we've been up to...we spent the last two weeks being sick and recovering. DD was suppose to go have her dental work done but that got rescheduled until July because the anesthesiologist doesn't want to do when she is under two. We are still working on getting DD to talk more but she likes to do more actions and sounds then talking, lol. When I tell her to say the word she just smiles at me and laughs so at least I know she understands me. I am not going to worry too much yet and hopefully she will come around soon. With me being home I am going to try and take more opportunities to get her our socializing and maybe that will get her talking more.

In sad news...

Hubby's mom passed away in February...he found her and is still trying to deal with it. He is constantly worried about his own mortality and leaving us behind. I don't know how much help I am because it is not a topic I want to think about often. The good thing that came out of it is that he is back in contact with some of his family and we will hopefully be spending Easter with his sister.

My Family Drama...

Well my dad and step-mom came to the funeral to show support which they did for hubby but me I got a lecture...I was truly pissed off and still kind of am. I got told how I am doing my daughter a disservice cause she doesn't go out, so they think cause we don't go to their house. DD did not want to go to them and played shy because she doesn't know them, I mentioned that they were always more then welcome to stop by (this is the first time we have seen them since just after DD birthday in June) but my dad says he doesn't want to come sit around my place there is more to do at his place yet all we do is sit around when I have visited him and I told him that.

I don't know what more to do with them, I want them to be a part of her life but I can't deal with being lectured at every opportunity. I can't believe it is come down to this, they won't be a part of her life if we don't go out there, and this stubbornness is why they don't have a relationship with their other grand kids.

Overprotective?

Why is it when I don't want to take DD to family members houses or let them babysit (while I go no where) they call me overprotective?  I have no need to leave her with people as this is the reason I chose to be a stay at home mom while I can. She is also only 18 months! Not exactly sleepover age.

 I find it easier to have people over to my place where I know what she is into and I have child locks on everything. She is also at a stage where she is shy around everyone and doesn't want to go to people she rarely sees but I am "spoiling her" or she is being miserable. Let's not forget that I am still breastfeeding and that "should be stopped for everyone sake" even though it is recommended to 2 years and is very good for her health-wise and is only non sociable because people are uneducated.

Some of my family stop visiting because they just forget to stop by, apparently, but if you want to be a part of your granddaughters life why wouldn't you make the effort whether or not it means you have to go out of your way? I am the bad person for not taking her places too when we only have one vehicle and and it's not here most of the time. I can call and ask for rides but then I need the carseat which is in our one vehicle and I don't like to be a bother and when I want to go home I have to wait until whomever is ready.

I feel like it is a constant battle as to what we did when we were being raised and what people did with their kids and well "nothing bad happened to them". Also just cause you won't smoke when she is there the fact that you do smoke in your house means there is nicotine and other toxins on the stuff in your house. I know this as I was a smoker before too, and I don't want my daughter around it, she deserves better then what we had as kids.

I can't wait for the holidays to be over...

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