Home Again...

Stay-at-Home Mom Part II

Well my turn at going back to work was short lived...hubby went back to work and is commuting almost an hour away and with his hours and my hours daycare just wasn't an option.

I am so happy to be at home again but now it is a matter of finding some income while working at home. Everyone always suggests taking in people's kids but I am just not in a space where that would be good for them (no fenced yard, busy street) that and I have a hard enough time keeping my own daughter busy.

So what we've been up to...we spent the last two weeks being sick and recovering. DD was suppose to go have her dental work done but that got rescheduled until July because the anesthesiologist doesn't want to do when she is under two. We are still working on getting DD to talk more but she likes to do more actions and sounds then talking, lol. When I tell her to say the word she just smiles at me and laughs so at least I know she understands me. I am not going to worry too much yet and hopefully she will come around soon. With me being home I am going to try and take more opportunities to get her our socializing and maybe that will get her talking more.

In sad news...

Hubby's mom passed away in February...he found her and is still trying to deal with it. He is constantly worried about his own mortality and leaving us behind. I don't know how much help I am because it is not a topic I want to think about often. The good thing that came out of it is that he is back in contact with some of his family and we will hopefully be spending Easter with his sister.

My Family Drama...

Well my dad and step-mom came to the funeral to show support which they did for hubby but me I got a lecture...I was truly pissed off and still kind of am. I got told how I am doing my daughter a disservice cause she doesn't go out, so they think cause we don't go to their house. DD did not want to go to them and played shy because she doesn't know them, I mentioned that they were always more then welcome to stop by (this is the first time we have seen them since just after DD birthday in June) but my dad says he doesn't want to come sit around my place there is more to do at his place yet all we do is sit around when I have visited him and I told him that.

I don't know what more to do with them, I want them to be a part of her life but I can't deal with being lectured at every opportunity. I can't believe it is come down to this, they won't be a part of her life if we don't go out there, and this stubbornness is why they don't have a relationship with their other grand kids.

Co-Sleeping

Alright I am just going to put it out there...we co-sleep with our daughter and we are fine with it. If your not okay with it then that is your problem. I am so sick of anytime I say I am having issues with DD's sleep pattern everyone always says "is she still sleeping in your bed?"

First off that is not what is the issue, she sleeps fine in our bed it's just getting her to nap that is the issue it's the fact that she would rather nap at 4 pm (or later) and then stay up all night. Why does her sleeping in our bed have to be the cause or to blame? I feel like it is just another battle of parenthood that I am having to deal with and frankly I am getting sick of it.

If it's not the co-sleeping, it is the breastfeeding and if not that it's that she is very attached to me and my spouse. I know I had all these fantastic ideas of how things would be, but there not and at the end of the day my baby is happy and healthy, she would warm up to people more if she saw them more often and if they just gave her time to warm up to them rather then just writing her off and calling her a "sucky baby".

Do I just surround myself with overly opinionated people or is this a normal trial of parenthood?

Back to Work

Well for financial reason I have had to venture back into the workforce, not exactly excited about it but I will do whatever I have to do support my family.

I am still breastfeeding and so far it has been not too bad cause I am working midnights. She takes a while to get to sleep at night but hubby has been averaging 9:30-10:30 which is pretty good considering she usually goes to sleep on the breast.

We have gotten her teeth situation on the go as well and she goes into get the work done on March 25th. We are a little more relaxed knowing that the dental office we are going to has the Chief of Anesthesiology as the person who will look after that.

It has also been a busy month as my hubby has had a loss in his life. This past Friday he had stopped over to see his mother as he often did and found her deceased. It has been difficult for him but I can only hope that the reconciliation with his family will help him get through this. I suspect that he will have a rough week coming as he finalizes clearing out her apartment.

Anyways have to get ready for work but I thought I would write a quick update for everyone. :)

Overprotective?

Why is it when I don't want to take DD to family members houses or let them babysit (while I go no where) they call me overprotective?  I have no need to leave her with people as this is the reason I chose to be a stay at home mom while I can. She is also only 18 months! Not exactly sleepover age.

 I find it easier to have people over to my place where I know what she is into and I have child locks on everything. She is also at a stage where she is shy around everyone and doesn't want to go to people she rarely sees but I am "spoiling her" or she is being miserable. Let's not forget that I am still breastfeeding and that "should be stopped for everyone sake" even though it is recommended to 2 years and is very good for her health-wise and is only non sociable because people are uneducated.

Some of my family stop visiting because they just forget to stop by, apparently, but if you want to be a part of your granddaughters life why wouldn't you make the effort whether or not it means you have to go out of your way? I am the bad person for not taking her places too when we only have one vehicle and and it's not here most of the time. I can call and ask for rides but then I need the carseat which is in our one vehicle and I don't like to be a bother and when I want to go home I have to wait until whomever is ready.

I feel like it is a constant battle as to what we did when we were being raised and what people did with their kids and well "nothing bad happened to them". Also just cause you won't smoke when she is there the fact that you do smoke in your house means there is nicotine and other toxins on the stuff in your house. I know this as I was a smoker before too, and I don't want my daughter around it, she deserves better then what we had as kids.

I can't wait for the holidays to be over...

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Signs...

July 25th, 2007

I had woken up early that day for some reason, I was unemployed at the time and didn't need to be any where but I hadn't slept well. I had woken up wide awake in the middle of the night so waking up early surprised me. After seeing hubby off to work I began watching Breakfast TV Toronto when I saw my Aunt Leslie was going to be on, I quickly began recording it, little did I know that my day was about to change dramatically from a moment of pride for my family to a very sad day.

After watching my Aunt I drank my coffee watched some other TV and fiddled around on the computer, checked out Facebook which I had just discovered at the time. About 10 am I heard my SO pull up so I went to the door to see why he was home so early...

The look on his face and the words that came out still haunt me to this day, the pain in his eyes having to deliver such horrible news. My brother Wesley had been in a car accident and had been killed instantly.

I was in shock I remember yelling no and breaking down and then calling my Mom and Stepfather to get details. My Stepfather was mostly matter of fact but you could hear the tears in his voice as he told me what he knew had happened, he had been driving with a friend to pick up a fridge and the driver had been drinking when he went off the road about 3 am, approximately the time I woke up for what I thought was no reason.

Another Sign?

Recently I suffered a miscarriage and although it sucked that it happened I am not upset about it as I know these things happen unfortunately. The days leading up to me even finding out I was pregnant I had a weird dream that my Stepfather was alive although he had died in 2008, it was so weird and real feeling that I can't even describe it properly.

Then the night after I found out I was pregnant I had a dream that I was taking my baby to meet my Grandmother who had died in 2003, but it wasn't my daughter, although when I first woke up I assumed it was. I didn't even put the meeting of the departed loved ones as a sign that the pregnancy was not going to last until after the miscarriage.

How strange is that? I am definitely going to pay more attention to dreams and weird feelings I get from now on.

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Am I a bad Mom?

So recently I noticed some issues with my daughters teeth. First it was a small spot that looked like a cavity right on the very front of her top tooth, then I noticed that her lateral incisors looked like they were actually broken. Then yesterday I noticed that it looked like she has some decay behind those teeth. I called the dentist and went today. Of course it didn't go well because she definitely didn't want strangers touching her let alone touching her mouth which was half my battle and why I didn't notice. Now I have a referral to have her sedated while they do her teeth and I am freaked out about it....I don't want her put out but I don't want this to become a problem for her.

Now as to why I feel like I am a bad mom...I don't like the cry it out practice, I can't do it. I tried but it wasn't for me, I don't like making her feel like she is being abandon therefore she sleeps at the breast and then nearby or at night with us in bed. She is always falling asleep at the breast, very rare does she sleep on her own, she can and has but the routine is for her have her mmm-ba (her name for the breast) before bed and when she is ready for her nap she takes my hand and tells me she wants the breast. The dentist recommends washing her teeth after she is done at the breast but how do I do this to a sleeping baby without having to start the whole process over again? I guess I am destine to figure this out as I have to do whatever I can to keep a handle on her teeth.

I feel as though by making things easy for her and less of a battle for myself I have created these problems with her teeth, I feel horrible. I don't want her to have these issues and I will have to get them dealt with but I am afraid of putting her out (sedating her) while she is so young. I know first hand how your smile can affect your self esteem as I too had issues with my own teeth and then at 25 got them straighten, although they have shifted slightly they are way better then they were. I don't want her to have this issues.

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My Favourite Things...

Okay for new mom's these are a few of my favourite things product wise:

Food:

Okay so I got a +Baby Bullet  for Christmas and it was fantastic for a while until DD wanted to eat everything we were eating now it is collecting dust. She does eat the odd pureed food and I find the @Heinz Baby food pouches the best as they incorporate both fruit and vegetables which is reassuring that she is getting a variety of foods.

Clothing:

The best clothes I got for DD are Carter's brand as they seem to fit the longest and have really have cute outfits that can mix with other pieces. As for needs, I didn't really need much more then a few diaper shirts at first and now at 16 months she is happiest in t-shirts and leggings or track/jogging pants. When we go out we tend to use the diaper shirts now that the weather is getting colder. For pajamas she slept better in two piece pajamas and it made diaper changing a whole lot easier, she now wants more one piece ones but the problem is with her running around it is hard to find ones with grippers on the bottom which is very important as most people have hardwood style floors or linoleum.

Diapers:

We love +Pampers Baby they are the best, right now we bought some size 3 cruisers that are getting a little small so we use them throughout the day and at night we use Pampers Baby Dry (size 4) and we have never had a problem. I think in total we have had only one blow out using Pampers and that was when she was first born and honestly I don't think any diaper would have held that much :)

Bedding:

We bed share so the crib gets barely used and we had a bassinet and we also barely used that but in all honesty I am glad I had them to try and decide how it was going to go. I still use the crib for some naps.

Toys:

The best toy we bought was her +playskool Rocktivity Sit to Stand Music Stand, she loved it at 6 months and it encouraged her to stand up, although the legs did come off we kept them on. Right now her favourite toy is her Potato Head family, she can play for hours by herself, I know it is recommended for kids 3+ but we have taken away the smaller pieces (the earrings). So as my favourite toy company it would be Playskool and she she loves +Sesame Street  and they promote those characters too.

Keepsakes:

I was all excited to get a baby book when I found out I was pregnant and so I went out and paid $30 for one and to be honest it is only half filled out. The best thing I found for keepsakes purposes was a photo book made by me and published by +Shutterfly it is beautiful, hard covered and personalized with my pictures. Best of all? +Shutterfly has the most amazing deals and most of my orders where under $10!! Even with delivery!

Anyways this is all I can think of at the moment so hopefully it helps any Mamma's :)
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