Trying to Conceive #2 & Getting Impatient

As I wrote previously I have had difficulty in the past becoming pregnant but now that I have had a successful pregnancy and then miscarriage I have been impatiently waiting for it to happen again.

It was a long road to having our daughter, 8 years and a little time spent seeing a specialist who diagnosed me with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) because of irregular periods. We were at the point where we had given up hope when we became pregnant with my daughter. Now two years later and one miscarriage in between I am having a hard time dealing with waiting.

I have been tracking my cycle and doing most of the other options of checking for my fertile window minus the temperature taking and spending a fortune on ovulation prediction kits. Every month I am late I am anxiously awaiting a positive test only to get a negative. The financial cost of tests have me reverting to dollar store tests which I hear they swear are legitimate, I would have to concur at this point they are.

I am getting older, 38 in January and hubby is going to be 40... I just want it to happen already. I feel like I was given a glimpse in to the beauty of pregnancy and now it is being held away from me. I felt like with all the issues during my first pregnancy kept me from really enjoying it and now I know what to expect it is all I want.

I recently went for my physical and the doctor when doing the pap told me my cervix appeared a little blue which could mean early pregnancy. He also thought I may have a bladder infection so he sent me for a blood pregnancy test and I am still patiently (not) waiting to hear back from him, it will be a week tomorrow. I did a pee test but it came out negative, I am also a week out from my period and I didn't use my first morning pee, so maybe it was wrong? Fingers crossed.

** So I started this blog post and apparently I never published :( Anyways an update...I am not pregnant which I am sad about but I figured and my sugars are high. Now I am working on losing weight and getting my sugars under control, I will then go back to the doctor in 6 months and discuss my progress and get my sugar retested. I am monitoring as well and I am to see him if I see a consistently high reading.

Facebook Etiquette in my Eyes

So sometimes I see stuff on Facebook or twitter that drives me bonkers so I thought I would compose a list of what I think should be done certain situations, here we go...

Birthdays:

It's your birthday and all your friends are wishing you a "Happy Birthday" you want to write thank you to all of them or you don't either way a simple "like"is a nice way of telling that person you saw their post and you appreciate them thinking about you. Why is that so hard? Especially with all the smart phones the notifications will let us know you read it instead of hoping we see your general "thank you"status post which as we all know Facebook gods may deem not important for us to see.

Condolences:

When I have written in the past about a death in the family of a member or of a friend your comments mean so much to me...keep them coming and if I only "like" what you written know that it means the world to me. If you are really curious for details, private message me and I will get back to you when I am ready.

Bad Day:

So your having a bad day, or you are sick, whatever...If I or anyone else takes the time to wish you well or give you words of encouragement for the love of GOD just "like" it!! When I see people who consistently complain about being sick or miserable it irritates me to no end, I don't want to come on Facebook and see misery but I understand there are times when you need to turn to your friends and get a little support. Just don't make it the only thing you do.

Completely Unintelligible Statuses:

Sure sometimes our technology thinks they know what we are trying to say and they want to help us out by spelling things for us, but they make things completely wrong...Before you post please proof read what you have written!! There is nothing worse then seeing someone who apparently graduated from high school have atrocious spelling, puts doubts in my mind as to the education system as should I home school my daughter. All it takes is an extra minute people!

Family:

Now I love that you have been a part of my life since the day I was born, since I was a kid or since whenever. There are things you know about me, nicknames, funny yet embarrassing stories etc. Please do not just go ahead and write them all over my pictures or wall. Some of us are trying to keep our Facebook professional to an extent. Also tagging me in your dirty jokes or about getting wasted are not cool especially if they are particularly offensive to other cultures, you may find that funny but I don't.

Now for Twitter:

If we are exchanging tweets and you've seen it please Favourite it, that way I don't feel like I am left hanging...I'll do it for you. If you really like what I've written please Re-Tweet it is greatly appreciated!

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@happysgurl

Summer's Over :(

What a sad thought, although Summer is not technically over for a couple of more weeks the whole Back to School sure makes us realize the end is near.

So all my ideas of all we would do this summer with the new car has yet to happen...Although we do have plans for the fall, just watching for a super good deal on a hotel...Skyline Inn is where we want to stay but we missed out on a super deal so Hubby wants to wait and see if we can get something that good. I keep watching day after day, hoping it will drop soon.

We did manage to do a few things, we had our Cousin BBQ with my cousins on my mom's side and it was awesome as always, we all get along really well and I can't wait until next year. I manage to get out and visit a few friends but still have plenty more to see.

I also found out that I need to have surgery on my arm... Not sure if I mentioned pinching a nerve in my elbow but I did it a while back, like in March, and it has never corrected itself or gotten any better. I knew that I only had two options so I was hoping it would just work itself out which is the only other option besides the surgery that I can find in my research. Well I went and saw a specialist and it appears I have nerve damage now and am showing signs of muscle weakness in my hand, so because it is not improving it is my only option now. I haven't got a date yet and I am a little anxious to get it over with, but also a little concerned cause I am not sure how well I am going to do with a very busy toddler and a gimped up arm.

In other big news...I went out to my dad's and it was alright...we been out a few times now and it has been good, get the odd comment and the dogs have kept mostly at bay. One dog at a time has worked and zero contact with the Rottweiler that bit Hubby and all has been good. She loves my dad and excited to go see him and I love the bond they are forming but...He is really pushing for her to be closer to my step-mom and for her to spend some one on one time with her. I wish I could just say "ya sure" but I am not comfortable with that yet...  for many reasons.

I have always been known as the forgiving one and the one who lets things go, but now I find somethings from the past are resurfacing and I am just unable to let them go. Growing wasn't easy, we didn't have much money and circumstances weren't easy when we left living with our mom abruptly and started living with my dad, his girlfriend and not even a year old half brother. I know sometimes I wasn't easy to live with either but I don't think I deserve the treatment I received.  My step-mom and I fought, a lot, I always felt like I ruined her whole plan of happiness and that she never wanted us (me and my older brother) around. From the sneaking treats to my little brother and nothing to us, to the comments that my mother should have aborted me, how could I not? I left home when I was 17 and lived with my friend until college where I went back to live with my mom and forge an awesome relationship.

Now the problem is as a mother I could never imagine treating someone who came to me with obvious issues the way she treated me. Hubby has two kids from a previous relationship and I could never imagine treating them like they are in the way or a burden.

How do I get over this? Can I?

Summer Fun

Well it's beginning to look like Summer is here, yay! Hubby is working lots and very long days which is great although sometimes it feel like I never get a break. We finally made a purchase of a new vehicle so I am no longer stuck at home or only with activities within walking distance. Since we have purchased the car I feel like we have been going no stop though catching up on a bunch of visiting and things that have been put off. There is one trip that we haven't made yet and it makes me anxious even thinking about it and discussing it with hubby causes an argument...my dad's.

I have the daughter guilt...it is the worst. I want to go and get it over with but in the same sense I am not looking forward to the lectures I will be getting, cause there is no way they will ever not bitch about how I have not brought my daughter out, how I am still breastfeeding, how we are too overprotective etc. It wouldn't be them if I didn't hear them complaining about how everyone does them wrong.

I also have the wife guilt...do I disrespect my husband wishes because I should have a say too? When his mom was alive we didn't take our daughter there because we didn't want her around the smoke and his mom had stuff laying around that we wouldn't want our daughter to get a hold of, and his mom was more then okay coming to our house, she never once moaned and groaned about coming to our place cause she got to see her granddaughter, yet we get the exact opposite from my family. Not to mention the whole dog thing...hubby is terrified that our wishes won't be respected and that the dogs will be brought out and then we will be leaving on bad terms.

I always feel like I am torn when it comes to this situation, one, I don't want to have to choose, two, I am not a child anymore I don't need to be lectured and three, times have changed, what worked for them and their child (my half brother) is not what I want for my child.

Follow Me @happysgurl

Election Time

Well the time is coming near where we have to make a choice as to who we want to run our province and I am at a loss... Who to chose?

The Liberals:
They have some major mistakes under their belt in the last two years as our government, billion dollar mistakes...but they seem like they are on a path to try and redeem themselves well at least not get any worse.

The NDP:
Used to be my favourite party under Jack Layton but Andrea Horwath just doesn't seem like a go getter. She just doesn't seem to be fighting very hard and at times seems like she only makes changes when she is pressured to do so.

The PC:
Oh god I don't even know where to start with this one... Okay I do :) Tim Hudak creeps me out, just something about him doesn't seem trust worthy. There are so many other battles that could have been picked before the election was called and it just seemed like his dramatics with libel suits and calling names covered up what was really going on. Since the calling of the election he was the first one with a platform which he should have thought more carefully about because this Million Jobs idea SUCKS!! Cut 100,000 jobs and then you have those people now trying to get these jobs that he is creating and those numbers are still a figment or imagination right now.

My Opinion:
What we need are jobs yes...lots of them but we also need to make sure that the people who have these government jobs are being held accountable and that they are doing the work that is expected of them, otherwise free that position up to someone who is willing to do the job. Over the years you see many people who have been burnt out working hard taking on extra tasks to keep their jobs so that they can afford to live, why aren't we looking at the cost of living?

Healthcare is another issue, I live in a town where we have one walk in clinic for over 100,000 people, in the event of an emergency we might as well just head to the hospital cause we have a better chance of getting seen. Our family doctor is fantastic thankfully and his appointment system allows for us to drop in most days, but for other we know that is not an option they have to wait weeks or hope they can get to the walk-in an hour before it opens.

These are just a few thoughts, my thoughts... I just don't know which way to go it feels like I don't have many options maybe something miraculous will happen in the next two weeks to sway my vote one way or the other.

Trying to feel pretty again...

Well I am doing my best to feel somewhat normal again since having my daughter almost 2 years ago, it is not easy. I see celebrity mom's looking fantastic a week after giving birth and I am envious but then I remember that I don't have lots of money for a home gym and a personal trainer.

So recently I went out got my hair cut shorter and put in some highlights. I am trying to get motivated to get out walking more and eating better to lose some weight. While putting my plan into motion I was given the opportunity to try  new #imPressManicure nails from Influenster and BroadwayNails. I don't have time to go to a nail salon and get my nails done and from having had them done before I know the pain and cost of having them filled and removed.

Here is my experience with my #imPressManicure...

Received my sample in the mail Friday and after reading direction I decided to apply them after my daughter had gone to bed as it says not to expose them to water for at least 30 minutes and with a toddler I am constantly washing something. Application was easy and took very little time.

Saturday Morning we had plans to drive to the next city over and visit some friends and family while getting in a little shopping. Chasing after my toddler all day I didn't lose a single nail and they still felt very firmly attached.

Sunday I took my daughter to the zoo and to visit more friends, still throughout the day they were fine. After a very messy dinner I hauled my daughter off to the bath which was a marathon bath was probably playing in the bath for over a half hour. After my daughter went to bed I noticed one nail was starting to lift so I decided to remove them which was super easy. I didn't even need chemicals nor did my fingers feel bruised like with salon nails when they pull off.

All in all I found the quality to be fantastic, received many compliments on the nails and the design. I recommend these to anyone who wants the look of salon nails without all the cost and hassle of having to go to the salon, or someone who wants temporary nails. As a mom of a busy toddler they were great and didn't scratch my daughter. She wants to put them on now! :)

Home Again...

Stay-at-Home Mom Part II

Well my turn at going back to work was short lived...hubby went back to work and is commuting almost an hour away and with his hours and my hours daycare just wasn't an option.

I am so happy to be at home again but now it is a matter of finding some income while working at home. Everyone always suggests taking in people's kids but I am just not in a space where that would be good for them (no fenced yard, busy street) that and I have a hard enough time keeping my own daughter busy.

So what we've been up to...we spent the last two weeks being sick and recovering. DD was suppose to go have her dental work done but that got rescheduled until July because the anesthesiologist doesn't want to do when she is under two. We are still working on getting DD to talk more but she likes to do more actions and sounds then talking, lol. When I tell her to say the word she just smiles at me and laughs so at least I know she understands me. I am not going to worry too much yet and hopefully she will come around soon. With me being home I am going to try and take more opportunities to get her our socializing and maybe that will get her talking more.

In sad news...

Hubby's mom passed away in February...he found her and is still trying to deal with it. He is constantly worried about his own mortality and leaving us behind. I don't know how much help I am because it is not a topic I want to think about often. The good thing that came out of it is that he is back in contact with some of his family and we will hopefully be spending Easter with his sister.

My Family Drama...

Well my dad and step-mom came to the funeral to show support which they did for hubby but me I got a lecture...I was truly pissed off and still kind of am. I got told how I am doing my daughter a disservice cause she doesn't go out, so they think cause we don't go to their house. DD did not want to go to them and played shy because she doesn't know them, I mentioned that they were always more then welcome to stop by (this is the first time we have seen them since just after DD birthday in June) but my dad says he doesn't want to come sit around my place there is more to do at his place yet all we do is sit around when I have visited him and I told him that.

I don't know what more to do with them, I want them to be a part of her life but I can't deal with being lectured at every opportunity. I can't believe it is come down to this, they won't be a part of her life if we don't go out there, and this stubbornness is why they don't have a relationship with their other grand kids.